Mel Edwards

Mary, started talking about Operation Beautiful on her blog.

Molly ran with the idea, and posted too.

And…I had to chime in.

By day, I’m a public school English teacher (and art student, getting an add-on certification as an art teacher). I teach in South Carolina where I’ve had students who tip the scales at 300+ pounds. I’ve also had skinny kids in my room who whine because the seats are too hard for their bony bodies. Most of my life, my weight was in check and I wore a size 12. For a while in college, when I thought I’d join the Marines as an officer (and go to OCS), I got down to a size 6 with 14% body fat, 24 inch waist and was quite strong. But I weighed 132 lbs and the Marines said I was “too fat” even with those other stats. I decided to not become a Marine because I knew I was as healthy and beautiful as I’d ever been and no woman needed to be smaller for any job. (Don’t get me started on models.)

Fast forward 15 years….

At holiday time two years ago, two of my husband’s cousins were talking about their pregnancies, due dates and such, and a third cousin looked at me and said, “When are you due?” I stammered and said, “I…I’m not.” The whole truth is I had a tumor and a hysterectomy to save my life (because I’d begin to hemorrhage whenever I had my cycle) and the weight was from stuffing down all those painful emotions. So, not only did it hurt because she was saying I was fat, but it broke my heart because I can never have children and I’d like nothing better than to have a baby that looks just like my wonderful husband, but I was too upset to tell anyone the whole truth at the time.

Now…

Yes, I’m thinner, stronger and healthier than I was two years ago, and please, I know you may be well-meaning, but don’t tell me about adoption. Our finances can’t handle it right now..and maybe working with kids full-time is all the mothering I need to do. I mean, I’ve already helped raise 1000+ children in my lifetime through my example as a classroom teacher. That may be enough.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago while I was teaching summer school. We talked about nutrition one day (due to childhood obesity rates) and I showed the kids my Bodybugg and we discussed strength. Later that week, we went on a tour of a local college and had to walk about a third of a mile up hill from one building to the next. The kids were winded. I’ve been doing the Couch-to5k, so I was strong enough to do it without panting. One girl looked at me and said, “How many calories are we burning?” I told her I could only tell the total I’d burned for the day and shared the number with her. She asked, “How long are you going to wear that thing?” I said, “Until I’m as skinny as you are.” Now, this girl is waaay too tiny, probably a size zero, but she’s only 13 so she’s not fully into her adult shape yet, and I know I don’t truly want to be her size. I was trying to help her feel better because she couldn’t keep up with me or the other kids. She immediately said, “Mrs. Edwards, don’t do that. You need to look healthy. I rather look like you with a curve to my body. You can get smaller, just don’t get skinny. You look better than I do.” I laughed and said, “Okay, but keep checking in on me to keep me honest. I’m not giving up easy.” She smiled and went about her conversation and caught up with her peers.

So, that said, I am strong. I am beautiful inside, and one day soon my outside will (again) match my inside and leave no doubt that I’m a holistically fit woman. That’s also why I’m earning my certification as a holistic fitness coach. (I’m already a motivational speaker, storyteller, Astanga yoga and sport Pilates teacher.) I know the more balance I have in my life, the more I can help others achieve the same and one day, I will not see 300 lb or 80 lb teenagers in my classroom who can’t walk 1/3 of a mile across a college campus because they’ll know how to be healthy too.

So…what is most beautiful about me? My hopes and my heart. How can you tell? I hope it is clearly evident every time I smile or laugh and my eyes disappear because my cheeks are in the way.

Tell me: What’s beautiful about you?

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Mel Edwards. | #

I’m a decorator. Not professionally, but that may come. Every place I’ve ever lived, from the shed-like cottage in MT that was too narrow to have a bathroom door (a curtain was hung instead) to our 1970s split level and our current 1950s mill house, I’ve tried to make cozy. In one of our apartments it was a 30 sq ft walk-in closet with a bed desk, a fold up book case, a table lamp and plenty of cushion for me. Usually I’ve ended up paying people to do the things I couldn’t (electrical and plumbing) but I’ve done so many renovations that I’ve joked with my husband that he needs a bumper sticker that says, “My wife is a Jewish carpenter,” to go the all the other bible belt stickers we see on vehicles daily. I never thought this crave to make a space mine was odd, but instead sought kinship in finding other creatives who’ve done the same.

This New York Times story is a great example of finding and making a space of your own.

We have a fairly large tin shed (roof and siding) in the back yard that I’ve been aching to re-model. Maybe this will be my next project and like Ms. Foster, I’ll have a little sleeping loft to hide out in when I need my inspirational dream time or maybe I’ll take some design cues form Alton Greenhouses, like the picture above. Either way, I could make it mine…and invite hubby for visits.

What would a space of your own look like? Where would it be? What would you do there? Who would you invite to visit (if anyone at all)?

Enjoy the dream.

1 Comment | In: Uncategorized | tags: Alton Greenhouses, Mel Edwards, New York Times. | #

Topiary Lion

I’m all for outsider art. Heck, Junebug is a great little film about one dealer on a quest to represent an outsider and bring his work to the forefront, but I have to wonder if the average Joe or Jill has what it takes to knock the socks off of an art dealer.

I know David Gerbstadt, whose work make my socks fly, isn’t really an outsider because he has some training, and makes a steady income selling his work for $1 per piece (no kidding).

I have spent some time wondering where I fit in the art world and what my niche is. Anything is possible. Right? Then I look at displays like this and wonder, how much training did these artists have to perfect their craft, and is there a topiary school somewhere? I am a fully-untrained artist…for now…who has done my share of fiber arts/needlework arts, which I suppose makes me an outsider artist. However, I’m branching out and trying art without training. I’ve recently started a Photobucket album of my work and completed a Photo I and art history class and I will take my first 2-D design and drawing class this fall. Until then, I’m going to see if there really are schools for floral sculptures.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized, art | tags: $1 art, David Gerbstadt, Greenwood, outsider art, Photo I, Photobucket. | #

Creative Journal - Acrylic on Paper

Okay, so I’ve been away…but not in a foreign land, or planet, not really. I took November off from my normal routine and I wrote a draft of a novel for NaNoWriMo. That is, National Novel Writing Month brought to the world by Chris Baty, further proof to the universe that one man’s quirky passion can light a firestorm of creativity.

The good news is I finished. A Winner in NaNo is one who writes at least 50,000 words in a month. I capped at 55,553 or something like that. I’m still begging my closest friends and loved ones to read it, because I think it can be the groundwork for something publishable one day. However, I hold no illusions of life after publication. I’m only slightly bitter about the knowitall “I’ve been published, who are you, lowly blogger” tone I’ve heard from time to time. I truly believe those with real talent are far more humble than that.

Enough about writing, and on to my whole truth. I have stopped dancing. I never found a dance teacher. I have a day job that sucks away too many hours for too little of what I need most. Sure money and recognition would be fab, but what I really need is… well, let’s say it doesn’t exist in the same galaxy as my day job. So, I’m going in…my own mind and spirit, that is. I’ve started knitting again, painted a background for a studio painting, and begun a creative journal/workbook. Maybe when my mind and heart dance again, my feet will too.

My friend Dawn Clare spoke with  me recently and told me I needed to maximize my income by aligning my bliss with my daily life. In other words, if I hit the lottery tomorrow, it isn’t a surprise I’d live differently. If aliens abducted me and gave me choice to either die or live a whole new life in a new place of my dreams, I would make more than a few changes (but either way, I’d miss my loved ones very much in my new celestial home).

The day hubby and I wed he wore a film T-shirt under his dress shirt. It was “The Day the Earth Stood Still.” The alien wasn’t really scary. In fact, he was pretty benign by today’s standards. I can’t help but wonder if the evil monsters in my life would be negated and neutralized into nothingness if I simply switched gears. I’m pretty sure I’d start to dance (and sing) again if I did something I always wanted instead of playing it safe and working a day job that isn’t exactly heaven on earth. Safe sucks. Big time.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: aliens, bliss, Chris Baty, Dawn Clare, NaNoWriMo, The Day the Earth Stood Still. | #

At the beginning of September, Patricia Moreno, of IntenSati/Sati Life put up a challenge to readers of her blog to try to lose that “last 10 lbs” that many say they want to lose. I signed up, knowing I have certainly more than that I’d like to release from my body. Well, today was my weigh-in for the month, and I didn’t make it. I did remove 5 lbs, though. I admit without her challenge, I probably would have said, “Oh, Mel, don’t worry about the pounds, just keep dancing, working and you’ll get there someday.” However, for me, the truth is someday never comes. I have four file cabinet drawers full of events gone-by or ones to spend time on “later” and the truth is, 90% of what is in there needs just just GO! Tonight I recycled at least a ream of paper, and I let those papers I’ve been hanging on to “just in case” exit my life so I’ll have room and energy to focus on what I desire now.

My life road map leads in many directions, but the destinations I reach are all because I made a conscious choice and took the path to get there. This past month I didn’t find a dance teacher, but I bought several dance videos and shoes and began my practice. That means I’m still on the path and plan to reach my destination. I removed 5 lbs of my body weight and I earned my Spencer Pilates instructor certification, and those goals are in line with learning to dance as being a healthy weight and having a strong core are essential for dancers. I’m clear that my intention, combined with right action and positive self-expectation will get me to my destination. So, dear friends, Where will your road map lead you this month?

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: dance, intention, Patricia Moreno, Road map, Spencer Pilates, weight loss. | #

Today’s post is hyper-brief (for me at least). Wanted to say, my dancing shoes aren’t collecting dust, but I am doing lots of Pilates to help build my core to make all the dancing easier. It is helping, and I lost another pound. No ballet teacher yet, so I’m still going solo (with my NY City Ballet dvds). It’ll all work out in the end. I’m sure. Thanks for checking in on me!

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: ballet, dance, NY City Ballet, Pilates. | #

At the risk of sounding like an 80s throwback, I know can say I official Rock It. That is, I own a pair of Capezio Dansneakers by that name and I’ve made it through one entire dance workout in them. Now, take this recommendation for what it is worth, since I’m no delicate dancer (yet) but I’ve got to say my arches loved me a whole lot more when I wore these to do my NY City Ballet Workout tonight than they did when I tried to do it barefoot. Sometimes it simply makes sense to spend the dough, and be nice to your body…especially when you think of the feats that you expect your feet to complete.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized, artist | tags: Capezio, Dansneakers, feat, feet, Rock It, sore. | #

Patricia McBride

There isn’t a ballet studio in my neighborhood. I’m still struggling to find a teacher, although there are at least two possibilities that I should hear about in the next few weeks. My “next door” is more metaphorical, made possible through the virtual neighborhood. I did a bit of research today and found out that the prima ballerina whose work I love lives only an hour or so away. I’m talking about Patricia McBride, in Charlotte, NC! I could actually get in my little car and buzz up the highway for tea with her, if she knew me. That’s what I call inspiration!

I find that oftentimes I make little mental excuses for myself, “Oh, you’re in Greenville, SC, honey. No one expects you to actually learn to really dance, dear.” By thinking such things I have an out in case I quit or worse, fail miserably. Now that I know that Ms. McBride is the associate artistic director of the North Carolina Dance Theatre (her husband Jean-Pierre Bonnefoux is the President and Artistic director), and a new facility is being erected (and rumored to have her name on it someway, somehow), I have more motivation than ever to DO (instead of try) in all earnestness. (If I may reference Yoda’s admonishment, “Do or do not. There is no try.”)

The bottom line is this, even if (G-d forbid) Ms. McBride said vile things about me (a fat chick wanting to learn how to dance), and we both go to our final resting place without ever meeting, I’m still making strides to be the dancer I could have been. Today I began using the NY City Ballet Workout dvd (part 1) and was surprised how much of it is like the yoga and Pilates I already know. I’m doing, and one day, I hope to thank Patricia for the inspiration, even if she doesn’t give a whit that at age 41 I finally learned to dance.

2 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: inpiration, Jean-Pierre Bonnefoux, North Carolina Dance Theatre, NY City Ballet, Patricia McBride, workout. | #

Officially, for 7 days now, I’ve been on my quest to turn to my love of ballet into the ability to actually participate in the dance form. This morning as I walked through Cleveland Park, I decided to take up an idea from creative friend of mine (Hi, Ann!) and actually do a tiny bit of ballet while I meandered about. Her original comment to my Facebook page was to take a plie every 10 steps and one the the basic 5 positions every 5 steps, which would amount to making me look like John Cleese’s ministry of silly walks, and wouldn’t do much to keep my heart rate where I wanted it to be for an hour or so. Instead, I opted to pause at two different picnic pavillions and use the structural supports to touch in lieu of a barre. I did each of the 5 positions, right side first, then left, complete with grande plie transitions between each pose. Low and behold, my hips seemed to love the new movement 40 minutes or so into my jaunt around the park. I can only guess this is what the Tin Woodsman felt like when he was finally oiled, and blissfully I walked a total of 9, 924 steps and got a teensy weensy bit of ballet in as well.

Alas, the Woodsman isn’t the only character from the land of Oz that I feel like as of late. My dear readers, I have a confession to make. For all my vibrato and bluster, I’m no King (or Queen) of Forest, even if we have as much kudzu as tress in the park. The full story is that I’m a 5 foot tall woman who weighs a good 50+ pounds than I should for my height. (In fact, I won’t even admit to the general public how much I do weigh at this juncture.) Thus, in a tutu, I’ll look more like the sweet natured beastie on this book cover than I’ll look like Patricia McBride, and as a result, feel like the Cowardly Lion when I imagine being in a group ballet class.

Don’t worry. I’m not giving up by a long shot. I used some of my birthday money to buy the NY City Ballet Workout dvd (parts 1 and 2), and once I learn all the lingo and the positions, I’ll use it regularly to improve my skills. I know I have miles to go, but about 2500 years ago Lao-tzu said it best: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” My journey has begun. What’s everyone else’s excuse for not trying?

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Cleveland Park, Cowardly Lion, Hippo in a Tutu, John Cleese, Lao-tzu, Ministry of Silly Walks, NY City Ballet, Oz, Patricia McBride, Tin Woodsman. | #

Lucille Ball as Lucy Ricardo in "The Ballet" (1952)

Today I’m 41 years old. In the past 81 days I’ve worked to lose about 17.5 lbs, part in an effort to beat the birthday clock, and partly because I just wanted to feel happy in a body I love. Although today the love I feel has very little to do with my physique and a whole lot to do with other pleasing things: flowers, the thoughtfulness of loved ones and the funny memories of my younger years — including those of watching “I Love Lucy.” (...and I don’t give a damn that I’ve dated myself by both giving my age and that I adored that show, even if I only watched the re-runs.)

My favorite flowers are alstroemeria lilies, and hubby got me two huge bunches for my special day. There are so many blooms that when they’re in the vase I can just barely wrap my arms around them. For my birth anniversary, the sweet treat he chose were huge napoleons. They made me think of France, which made me smile as I’m on a quest to be a ballerina at 40-something. Then, one of my dear colleagues (Hi, Steve!) made me laugh out loud today as he reminded me of Lucy Ricardo’s attempt at ballet where she got her leg stuck on the barre.

What has made this day special has little to do with who I am and what I’ve brought into the world, and everything to do with those I’m fortunate enough to surround myself with. That includes you, dear reader, wherever you are. Thank you for caring, sharing my life, and my heart.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: alstroemeria lilies, birthday, I Love Lucy, Napoleons, The Ballet. | #